Please Hold.

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As I came to work today, I really felt the sudden tiredness + weariness brought by chaos of what’s really happening in and out of our beloved company. A couple of days ago, news of releases are silently spread in our department which will be effective by the end of the month. Awkwardly, person on the list hasn’t been informed. I wonder how the so-called management came up on a list of staff on which the immediate supervisor wasn’t informed. Was it like just a raffle coupon, whoever they pick, that’s it? And now, we have a memo on which all of approved or planned vacation leaves will be on-hold up to the end of the project. Absurd? Yes it was.

Working abroad means you are away for a year or so to your family and after completion, you can take only a month of work leave. Lucky for those who can go home anytime they want. They have lots of money to spend. Unlike most of us, we waited patiently for this vacation, planned on it advance, booked the ticket 3 months before and counting the days like prisoners. 🙂 If you have a family abroad you understand what I am saying. What would you actually feel if it has to be postponed as they iasked you to  “Please hold your leave?” First you freeze. Second, you feel frustrated especially when you got plans on travelling somewhere else aside from your home town. And lastly, you freak out.

The minute I heard it 4 years ago when the peak of recession starts to unfold, I automatically find it hard to work and I really feel so bad. I have no choice but to cancel the travel back home, spend the holidays being alone again and wait till the situation is ok. I simply obey. My thoughts back then is same with my superior’s advice, if you still want to work and get paid, hold your plans. Schedule it next time. I could have insisted but I didn’t because I fear losing my current job and I am not yet finish with our house. It’s just another year to count anyway, my family will understand.

Today, it feels like I am being instructed to do the same again. But right now, I am seriously thinking if I should or should I not? I am in a verge of weighing which is important to me now. Family or work? Guess when you hit 30, you think of too much possibilities and consequences of every decision you make. I miss my family terribly, but I still would want to work to continue with the plans I have for them. Money is really not my goal. And for me, the only value it has comes from the dreams money helps achieve. Sad but true. Take the leave or leave permanently? I hope to figure it out soon.

 

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